Assassin’s Creed Movie Review

I watched the Assassin’s Creed movie today. So, prepare yourself for a long post. From the beginning to the end, the movie was amazing. Every single moment was a treat. If you’ve played the games, you will absolutely love it. A friend of mine, who has not played the game, watched it with me and he said it was MUCH better than what the critics at a certain vegetable-inspired website will tell you. I’ll save the spoilers for the end of this post. The next bit is a rant at the so-called critics who complained about this awesome movie.
“CGI-fueled end” Just what the fuck do you mean by that? I do not recall watching anything remotely excessive when it came to the end… the Apple scene barely contained any CGI. I mean if you think a little glowing sphere is an excessive usage of CGI, I’m going to shove that sphere up your ass.
Just to give you a better shot, I’ll assume you were talking about that scene where Cal hallucinates about five to six other assassins, including his mother. Even here, you’re still trolling worse than KRK (if you don’t know who KRK is, just be glad you’re still living in a relatively more beautiful world than I am.) Remind me again, just what the Animus is… oh, that’s right! It’s a machine that lets you dream (or in the case of this movie, hallucinate) through which you live the lives of your ancestors. So how exactly are you supposed to pull that off WITHOUT CGI?!
“Joylessly overplotted” By this, I’ll assume you’re either complaining about the volume or the “complexity” of the plot. because IT SURE AS HELL WASN’T “JOYLESS”. Now, if you’re complaining about the volume of the plot, why don’t you try fitting almost a decade’s worth of game plot into a two-hour movie. Finally, if you’re complaining about the “complexity of the plot” I will just have to ask you one question: who the fuck died and made you a critic? Because you would literally have to be dumber than a dodo in order to NOT understand the plot. seriously. There’s TONS of expositional dialogue and a perfect amount of CGI (which you were complaining about) to spoonfeed you EVERYTHING!
I will now move on from the rant and say that the fights and parkour sequences were excellently choreographed. It’s almost as if I was playing the game on a giant screen. Every moment was just as exciting, just as chaotic and just as badass as the fights in the games.
Now for the spoiler (I’ll limit it to just one spoiler). I cried when I watched the scene where Cal is watching the hallucination, standing between six or so Assassin ancestors surrounding him and his mother appears, says a few emotional words and starts off with:
“Where other men blindly follow the truth, remember…” and Cal replies, “Nothing is true.”
“Where other men are limited by morality or law, remember…”
“Everything is permitted.”
“We work in the dark to serve the light…”
“We are assassins.”
This was my first time fanboying over something.
Can’t wait for the sequel!

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